Mel and I matched on Tinder. Her face was blurred in her photos, but I noticed she had a great derrière and that was sufficient for the time being. Then we matched on Hinge because you know we have to keep our options open. However, the matchmaking team at Hinge had crunched some numbers and concluded that we were most compatible… and they’re rarely ever wrong.
We decided to take their advice and exchange numbers. After a few texts and a phone chat, we decided to meet for a drink.
We met at the most redneck bar in Alabama. The place has deer heads mounted on the 100 year old brick walls, no air conditioning and dogs are allowed inside. I sat outside in my car YouTubing how to greet her in French to make a smooth first impression. I got good at saying, “Enchantee” because she was late. Very fucking late… and I don’t do late.
I thought to myself, “I’m going to spank her little ass over this”. Little did I know that would only encourage her to continue being late. More on that later… maybe.
She arrived 45 minutes late and I wasted no time forcing a smile and walking us inside. I opened the door for her. Partly, because I was raised to be a gentleman and partly because I needed to make sure that she hadn’t catfished me with her amazing ass.
The date was rather uneventful but we cordially got through it. We conversed, but spent most of the time trying to read each other. See “Capricorn vs Scorpio” for a better understanding of that. We had a couple of drinks and called it a night. I walked her to her car, but I didn’t get a good night kiss. I didn’t even get a fucking hug. I had underestimated the French…
Challenge on.